And the Scary Stuff Continues

Last Tuesday I headed out to 4 Points Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu, a gym that came highly recommended to me, for my first ever jiu-jitsu class. It was NOGI, for those who know what that is, and for those who don’t, it means without a uniform, which is called the GI. When I showed up there were some girls practicing their boxing, but by the time class started, I was the only girl in a group of guys who all looked like they know what they’re doing, and work out. Needless to say, I felt way out of my league.

We started with warm ups, which I spent a lot of my time laughing through, because I felt like I must be terrible at the front, back and side rolls, and…basically everything we did. But I made it through.

When we got to the Jiu-Jitsu stuff, I was paired with a guy and learnt foot locks, arm locks, kimura…all kinds of things. Though I think I got the technique, it was really not easy to get my partner to tap out. Which is good, in the sense that I really don’t want to be hurting anyone, but bad in the sense that I had to go longer, until I managed to reposition and have extra space to get to a point where he felt like tapping out.

I was feeling pretty accomplished and proud of my progress, up until David, our teacher, started pairing us up for the sparring. My first round was with the same guy I had been practicing with all class, so it was pretty familiar, and I ended up getting him in a headlock (which we hadn’t learnt yet) which lasted almost the entire round.

The other rounds were with different guys, who all could have gotten me to tap out within the first few seconds, but instead they each sort of let me lead, and once I was in a position where I could use a move, they would tell me about it. If we had learnt it tonight, they would be patient while I went through the steps to get there, and if we hadn’t learnt it yet, they would teach it to me. So I ‘won’ because they let me, but it was way cooler that they taught me all kinds of new techniques.

When class was done, I didn’t only have that pride and feeling of accomplishment from earlier, I felt absolutely badass and strong and confident. I knew that if any of the rounds had happened out in the real world I would be dead, but I learnt so much in that small period of time, and although I knew I would be bruised the next day, it felt great. I had a friend who once wrote me a long description of all their aches and pains after a jiu-jitsu class, and thought he was crazy when he ended it with how great it felt, but I get it now. It’s empowering.

I had a nice conversation with the teacher after class, then went home and packed my bag for set in the morning.

On Wednesday and on Friday I was on set for a feature film. It was a CIPIP (Canadian Independent Production Incentive Program), so while it was a professional production, it still had an indie feel, in the sense that the director/writer/producer would talk to us between takes, the actors would strike up a conversation in the lunch line…and we got treated to a musical number on Friday. I’m not going to name the film, so no spoilers, but it’s a good day at work when you get paid to listen to talented women singing live while dancing around you.

On Thursday, I woke up early to go to a 6:30 am boxing class. I was seeing these adds for class pass, and they were having a special of 5 free classes with a 2 week trial, so I decided it would be a great way to try some things that scare me or interest me or sound really cool. Normally I would hate the fact that they charge 15$ if you cancel less than 12 hours before the class, but this time it was excellent motivation to actually brave the cold and get out of bed. I was surprised to see the class had more women than men in it, and I had an amazing partner who showed me the ropes. The hardest part was when the teacher would come over to adjust my position every time I was on pads, because (although he had no way of knowing) my wrists were super bruised. Most likely from me holding them for all the locks I had done on Tuesday. Still, it was a really fun class, and really close to my house

I was walking out as the sun was rising, ready for a day of work, coffees and networking. The Film Mercenaries have been hosting events every month since I moved to Toronto, and I keep intending to go, but this time I actually went, with friends. I met a whole lot of people with various positions in the industry, from actors to producers to directors to sound engineers to music supervisors and entertainment lawyers…it was a great night.

This weekend, I tried my first ever suspended yoga class, which was amazing. It started out simple, with just the feet suspended, working our way to the arms, to sitting in the slings, to standing in them, to being upside down. The inverted positions were really cool, so once class ended, I asked the teacher to take a picture for me, and he not only obliged, he also walked me through doing it properly, in sequence, rather than just recreating the pose. He was also under the impression that I do lots of yoga, because I followed along with the non-modified versions of the inverted positions that his regulars were doing. Probably not the humblest of brags, but I was really excited and proud of myself.

Since I had signed up for a week of free classes at another gym that was on the same street, and they had a Muay Thai class starting just as that class was ending, I decided to go and check it out. The online schedule implied that there were 2 classes, one after the other, Fundamentals, then Mixed Level. I figured I would try the first one, see how I was doing, then decide if I wanted to stay for the second one as well.

It wasn’t until 15 minutes after the first class was supposed to have ended that I realized they weren’t so much 2 separate classes, as one long class. It was interesting, because the warm up was similar to the jiu-jitsu class, but the rest of it was basicaly different combos with the same moves I had done in boxing. Mixed with the kind of ab work I did years ago with Vas’ Fit Team/ Sweaty Sundays 😉 By the time I got home, I felt awesome. Not like my body felt awesome, although maybe it did, but I felt like after the week I’d had, I was awesome. Which is so much more than I could have hoped for when I started doing all of the things that scare me or make me nervous.

On Sunday, I decided I would take it easy, because there were a lot more things I was signing up for and I want to be ready.

 

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along’.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

AABP

I have been pretty easy on myself in the past week or so, doing a lot of writing, planning and preparing, before deciding to go full speed ahead on these plans and doing all the things that scare me.

I finished the story I started for Nanowrimo, or at least I wrote as much as I could for a story that isn’t entirely done yet. It was my first experience writing non-fiction, probably because it was the first time that my real life was more interesting than the stories I am always coming up with. It was definitely an experience, and I am glad I tried it, because I learnt so much about myself, not just as a writer, but as a person. Having myself be a character in a story, rather than just a version of me (usually without my insecurities) was the ultimate form of self-reflection and acceptance. As a storyteller, I can see exactly where I went wrong and what I could have done differently to get to a different ending, but at the same time, looking back with all the pieces, I get it. Hopefully I can apply these lessons for my next stories; the ones I write and the ones I live.

Since I spent so much time writing (and then Beta reading a friend’s book), a lot of the time after was spent catching up on admin stuff, watching award season nominees (so far, I had really low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised with each one), and signing up for things that scare me.

I was also kind of nervous to be asking people I admire to write reference letters for me, because you are basically fishing for written compliments about yourself, but I went for it. And they said yes. And then I had a long conversation with one of them, who said he would do whatever he could to help me, which turned out to be giving me career advice rather than writing a letter.

This resulted in me heading over to ACTRA yesterday to join as an ACTRA Additional Background Performer (AABP). It was exciting and nerve-wracking, because although I was joining the union, it was not at all in the way that I wanted, and most people tend to look down on Background Performers. I personally love being on set, in any capacity, so what better day job is there than watching other actors work and immersing yourself in the world of moviemaking? Either way, I am now allowed to work on Toronto Indie Productions (TIPs, the Toronto version of an MIP (Member Initiated Project)) and Co-op Productions, and if I work 1600 hours as background on set, I will get my first ACTRA credit. My friend who gave me the advice sort of sold it as me earning it rather than asking for it. So I will just keep hustling my way in. Background days, auditions, creating my own work…all of it.

And finally, though it didn’t scare me so much as was super out of my comfort zone, I had my first pole dancing lesson yesterday. For some reason, I convinced myself that it would be an amazing opportunity to get rid of some shyness, find confidence and own my sexy. It is a little too early to tell for those things, although it is crazy empowering when you land one of the moves, but I can say that the class was so much fun. And this is after waking up this morning to discover muscles I wasn’t really aware I had. But I feel them today.

 

“Be yourself. Be enough.”

-Milo Ventimiglia’s advice to his younger self

 

 

I finished 2017 with an amazing two weeks of family and friends. There was also a lot of Shakespeare and baking, to try and complete my resolutions, and I lost a role I had booked in Toronto because I couldn’t make it to the rehearsals on the 25^th and 26^th. This one hurt, but at the same time, it was pretty brave (and unlike me) to put myself first and not compromise on the things that are important to me (I agreed to be there on the 26^th, but I wasn’t going to abandon my family on Christmas for a rehearsal).

Instead, I tagged along on a trip to Quebec city, where my grandfather treated us to Le Continental, which was amazing, as always. It also allowed me to see The Shape of Water (which was a lot better than I was expecting) and go for Afternoon Tea with a really good friend, who has been making sure that I never feel disconnected from home while in Toronto.

On the 31^st, I helped another friend move from one apartment to another in Montreal. This is probably a trivial thing that most people reading this blog wouldn’t care about, but it’s how it happened that is worth sharing. You see, I made the decision that I would volunteer for Self-Tapes and stuff, even if I felt that I wasn’t the best person for the job (as in there is someone closer to them, either physically or friendship wise, not that I doubt my reading skills). This friend’s post was about moving, not about self-taping, but I figured that I wanted to put myself out there and help people, so it still qualified. However, he asked about a friend to help, not about someone. So my response was “Do I qualify?” At the time it was a joke, just a way to say I would help him out, but as we coordinated and eventually spent a few hours driving around together, we got to a place where I would definitely consider us friends. So, the point is that even if I don’t think I’m close enough to someone to volunteer for something, I should, because it is by spending time with people and opening up to each other that you actually become friends. A lesson everyone else maybe mastered in kindergarten, but it is better late than never!

I got to celebrate my mom’s birthday with her (and send in a few self tapes) before driving back to Toronto with 3 of my 4 roommates. It was a bit of a race against time (a safe one, I promise) because I had a photoshoot in Toronto around noon. We literally parked in the driveway, emptied the car, then I drove off as soon as the last bag was out.

The project is really interesting, with the photographer representing different stages of his life with different people in a tableau, so there were a lot of us. They were running behind, so I got to get to know some of the other representations, as well as the women in hair and makeup, and the woman running wardrobe, who was also from Montreal. She said she could tell I was from Montreal because of the hair, which was an interesting concept. Either way, she was right.

On Sunday, we set out to watch the Golden Globes, fully clad in black, only to find that the cold had killed my car. Undeterred, we started walking to our destination, making a pit stop at another pub before finding a great crowd to watch the show with. I loved the sea of black, and there are so many messages in the acceptance speeches, or simple statements placed before the announcement of the nominees (love you Natalie!) that either make you laugh, cry, get angry, or maybe go completely over your head, but the fact that people are talking about it, and that others are listening…it’s still saying something.

On Monday, we had our first meetup for Montreal Actors who have relocated to Toronto, which was mostly just a chance to see each other, make some new friends and talk shop, which is one of my favorite kinds of talk. And I am serious about my plan to becoming kickass, so even though I’m pretty sure they are way out of my league, I got invited to tag along when some of the others go to a parkour gym. I emphasized that I was very much a beginner, but eager to learn. So we will see if they follow up?

Yesterday was mostly spent writing, because I am trying to finish the story I started for this year’s Nanowrimo. I am very close, so have been slightly obsessive with it these days (my roommates will attest) but I also got groceries. Which seems like nothing, but I was mostly bringing a few meals or eating out when I was in Toronto last year, so now I am finally accepting that this is where I live, and I am buying things accordingly.

Today, I had an audition for a commercial, which is super exciting for me. I ran it a bunch of times with Lara, getting her feedback, then went and did my best, trying to show confidence, but also to bring me to it. It was my first time auditioning for this casting house, they were all incredibly nice, and I hopefully made a good impression that will have them bringing me back. And casting me.

Before I leave you, my awesome roommate Lara happens to be making her first TV appearance tonight, so we are having a little viewing party at our place. If you’re in town, come on over, and if not, you can watch her in The Detectives on CBC at 9 🙂

 

“What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have. And I’m especially proud and inspired by all the women who have felt strong enough and empowered enough to speak up and share their personal stories. Each of us in this room are celebrated because of the stories that we tell, and this year we became the story. But it’s not just a story affecting the entertainment industry. It’s one that transcends any culture, geography, race, religion, politics or workplace.”

-Oprah Winfrey

2018

In 2018, I resolve to act, write, and go out to do something every day. I resolve to work at least 40 hours every week on my career. I absolutely loved having CONFIDENCE as my word for 2017, and would want to keep it for this year as well, but I think you’re not supposed to, so I am going with COURAGE. As in have the courage to go up and talk to that person, to ask for help, to chase after my dreams, to do the things that scare me, to not be afraid to fail, because at least it means I’m trying. Most of all, the COURAGE to believe in myself when it is so much easier to stay small.

 

Here are the goals I hope to accomplish this year:

Believe I’m Kickass

For years now, I have been saying that I want to play kickass characters. Spies. FBI agents. Someone who survives in a post-apocalyptic world. I dabble in stunt classes, I learn some stage combat, I get my gun license…still no one ever wants to cast me in those roles. Recently, I realized that it may be because although I want to play these characters, I don’t really believe myself as them either. I took the classes, but I don’t exactly feel confident in the skills. So, to remedy this, I am giving myself this year to convince myself that I can be kickass (or play a kickass character, but they’re kind of the same thing, right?). Since the scariest part of my stunt stage classes was at the beginning, when they would have us jog for longer than I was capable of at the time, I am going to work on my stamina and strength as well. The plan is to spend the next few months training, mostly on my own, to be stronger, tougher and have more endurance (speaking of tougher, perhaps I’ll revisit the Tough Mudder training plans?). Once I am no longer intimidated by the non-stunts part of the course, I will take classes and develop the skills I want to have. Stunt classes. Combat classes. Gun ranges. Some of it will be revisiting what I have already learnt to be more confident in the execution of it, but I want to learn new stuff as well. Then, once I believe that I’m Kickass, I will work on convincing others (headshots, stunt reel, attitude). By actually forcing myself to follow through on not just a class, but an actual skillset and confidence in it, I will either realize that I like the idea more than the actual thing, or I will put in the work and show myself, and everyone who thinks I’m too sweet that there is a lot more to me than meets the eye. I am okay with either outcome, as long as I don’t half-ass it, but actually put in the effort. I will be reaching out to people I know in the industry and asking for advice once I get the ball rolling (because I don’t want to bother anyone until I would not be making a fool of myself), but I am still very open to any and all tips and suggestions. For this and anything else on the list

The Dark Shack

New Skills

Ideally, I will find something that I love and work hard at it so it becomes a new skill on my CV. However, the point of this goal is to go out there and try new things. Pole dancing. Horseback riding. Learning a new language. Trying a new dialect. Rock climbing. Actually using my boxing gloves. Trying my hand at archery. I hear they even have lightsaber combat classes. There’s a world of possibilities, and I want to try some of them.

Send a book to Publishers

After giving myself the goal of publishing a book, and then of making a story I wrote ready to be published, this year I am going to actually send something out to publishers. Luckily, I am friends with some really awesome published authors, so in addition to research, I can also ask for some insight. I don’t know if I’m more terrified of having people that I do know read my books, or people that I don’t know, but I plan to do both within the next year, then sit back and watch my comfort zone grow.

Film Something I wrote

This is one of the resolutions from last year that I achieved, and I would like to do again this year. Ideally, it would be a Member Initiated Project (MIP), which is what ACTRA calls the really low budget content that their union actors create. I would therefore have to become ACTRA for it to be an MIP, but the requirement here is just to film a short that I wrote, using the knowledge that I gained from The Anniversary last year. Some very talented friends of mine are already planning on us writing an anthology of shorts and filming them in the new year, so I hope to be really busy creating content, rather than waiting around for others to cast me. I am really lucky to have these incredibly badass friends like Danny, Nir, Michaela, and so many others who are just constantly releasing content. They inspire me so much, and I want to be like them; the ones who do stuff instead of just talking about it.

Build my Toronto Show Bible

In the entertainment industry, a show bible is what the writers use to keep track of all the characters in a show (absolutely everything they know about them) and how they are connected. My show bible starts with me, and includes everyone I know in the industry, and the information I might know about them. It’s a much lesser version of what Bonnie Gillespie recommends, but I’m working my way up. I could technically just write down everyone I currently know in Toronto who is somehow connected to the acting industry, but what I really mean is that I want to build it up. I want to go out and meet people at networking events, work with them on sets, get cast by them after an audition…I want to build up my Toronto network.

3 Nanos

The 2 camps in April and July, then the main event in November. I have so many stories and ideas and I work best with a deadline and something tracking my word count, so this is the best way for me to get the creative juices flowing and finish things.

15 Speaking Days

I’m putting the same number as last year, even though 2017 was very good to me, because I am taking into account the fact that I moved to a new city where I don’t know that many people and there is a lot of competition, as well as hoping that I will have to be doing them on union projects. I wrote “have to” in the sense that I won’t be able to do non union sets anymore, but it goes without saying that I mean “get to” and I am saying it with a humongous smile and way too much excitement.

50 Networking Events

This seems like a whole lot compared to the 15 I was trying for last year, and it’s also more than I actually achieved in 2017, but as I have resolved to go out and do something every day, and I am really lax about the definition, I figure 50 is reasonable. This can be going to a play or a screening, attending a film festival, going for coffee with a director, getting tea with a fellow actor, grabbing lunch with a casting director, meeting people at Toronto Cold Reads…not so much events as just going somewhere and talking to someone in the industry. I don’t want to worry about getting to a certain number so much as actually getting to know people and building relationships. So the 50 is more of a suggestion, to encourage myself to face the cold (or tear myself away from Netflix) to interact with real people. (Also, apparently every event I go to has to have a picture of me listening to someone talk?)

 

Since these are more goals than resolutions, I decided to include 2 items that I have no control over the outcome. They’ve been on my list many times before, and I won’t make excuses or give myself ultimatums to get them done this year, but I will put them out to the universe, and hustle to make them happen.

Get an Agent

I did a sendout when I first moved to Toronto and got a few meetings, so when I go back next week, I will follow up with them, as well as people who haven’t gotten back to me yet, and take the people who have offered me help up on their offers. I can’t exactly make this goal happen, but I can ensure that I do everything in my power to put the odds in my favor.

Join ACTRA

I know. Again? What happened to the “I’m getting in this year or I’m signing up for school in Vancouver!”? Or getting in through background work? Or all of the other ultimatums I have given myself? Believe me, I know. Nothing has changed, really, other than my acceptance that it will happen when it happens, and my feeling that I am ready for it. Which doesn’t mean much in terms of actually making it happen, but it is still one of my biggest goals this year. Luckily, Toronto seems to be a town where you can make decent money as a non-union actor, but I would still love to join. My plan is to start off the year with “100 days to join ACTRA”, so I would do at least one thing every day to get myself into the union. I will go to the ACTRA branches and meet with the people there to understand my options (as in I won’t be afraid to ask for help, or advice). I will get into the rooms where ACTRA productions are being cast (by getting invited for an audition, not by thwarting security). I will be the best darn extra on sets so if they need someone for an upgrade, I’ll be their girl. I can join AABP and do my 200 days/1600 hours (if I decide it’s worth it to give up on non union work). I will create my own content and be so awesome that those with the power to cast me can’t help but notice me. Basically, this isn’t really a goal of getting into ACTRA, so much as that I resolve to constantly be doing everything I can do to be so amazing that ACTRA really wants me in their union. Which has the same outcome, but I would rather get in because I earned it than because I wore them down (although if that works, I’m not opposed to trying it).

As for last year’s resolutions, it will take me a little more time to finish reading my Shakespeare, I have to wait for the premiere of D33P W3B (or find another friend) to learn how to drive stick and I’m still working on my cake, muffin and cookie recipes. I did, however, film a short that I wrote, and am able to cry when I need to, both on set and in life. Even though I only won 1 of the 3 Nanowrimo events I participated in, it was because suddenly my life was more exciting than the lives of the characters I was creating. I went way over the 15 networking events, and speaking days on set, then went above and beyond my November Nanowrimo word count, where I was writing about my own life (probably not the best idea emotionally, but boy do the words flow). I chose to finish Shards of Glass instead of Owens, because I felt one needed more time and work than the other, and I didn’t want to rush through the editing process just so I could check a resolution off a list. Because last year I realized that while my goals and plans are really important, I also need to be open to change, and to things I hadn’t planned for. I don’t want to sit down next year to go over my list and realize I didn’t accomplish anything but binge watch Netflix, but I also don’t want to stay home and check off boxes when I can be out there making friends, falling in love or living life.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

-e. e. cummings

Oh What A Year

I like to spend the last few days of December figuring out what I want to achieve in the next year, but I also like to take some time to go over everything that I have accomplished over the past 12 months. Every time I do this, I realize that even if I am not where I planned to be, I am still leagues further than I was. And especially this year, even if everything on the outside had stayed the same, I have not. I understand a lot more about myself, my comfort zone is huge compared to what it was, and I actually feel ready for all of the things I have been saying that I wanted. Which I did, but sometimes things happen for a reason, and I’m starting to feel like lately, everything that has been happening has been leading up to where I am now, as well as where I am heading.

I am going to start off with the numbers and work accomplishments, because they are more concrete than what comes after. I had 39 auditions this year, broken down into 22 self tapes, 15 in person and 1 callback. Which I booked 🙂 These gave me 66 days on various sets, of which 35 were background, but 30 were speaking days, where I had a part and got to live the life of someone who is not me. The last day was as a PA/ Dog wrangler, so probably doesn’t count, but I do always say that there is nowhere else I’d rather be than on set, in any capacity. And I mean it. Ca Arrivera Jamais Icitte, Over Easy, The Cohort, Talion’s Law, Augustine, Another 10 Minutes, Overexposed, D33P W3B, The House They Used To Live In, Dick, Follow, Girl on the Run, and so many others. I can’t wait until I spend more days on set than off!

I surpassed my goal for Networking, with more than 40 events, mixers, award shows, film fests, screenings, book signings, wrap suppers, brunches and coffee dates with other actors, or people somehow involved in the acting industry. The best part, as I mentioned a few weeks ago, is that networking has become less of a chore to get myself out there and more of an opportunity to hang out with friends I haven’t seen in a while, or to meet amazing people I admire (or will soon come to).

I got to be a reader for all kinds of really cool projects, with incredible actors, exploring a multitude of characters. I even directed a few sessions, which was really different and harder than it looks. One of these projects keeps bringing me back for table reads and stuff on set, which just blows my mind that I get to be a part of it. Another one I was actually cast in, then slightly heartbroken when my scene was cut, but I still absolutely love the story as well as everyone involved, and can’t wait to see how it all turns out. In addition to my job as a reader, I got to read for a project in pre-production that I am involved with, for a bunch of friends (and new acquaintances) as part of my self tape promise, and for my very own project.

In April, after years of being too afraid to, we shot The Anniversary, a short that I wrote. It was a bit terrifying, yes, but nothing like I thought it would be. It was exhilarating and emotional and a lot of work, but something I can’t wait to do again and again. I learnt so much about scriptwriting, finding a crew, casting a project, shot lists…and I still have so much more to learn, which I will, a little more with every new project I start. Which will hopefully be often. I also want to learn more about post production, so that I can maybe do some of it on my own, and so I will have a better answer when people ask me what I want (most of the time, it was “I don’t know, what do you think?”) Every time I bring it up, I have to thank everyone who gave (or are still giving) their time and energy to help me make this dream a reality. I am eternally grateful.

In addition to the amazing classes with Suzanna (where I used accents, attempted commercials, played drunk, comedy, cried, flirted and kissed people), I tried my hand at Meisner (which is scary for me, because you can’t learn your lines and hide behind your preparedness), took a Chi Energy Workshop, a singing lesson, the Centaur Chekhov scene study and audited classes in Toronto. I volunteered for Comic Con, which was a lot of fun, and since I was mostly manning the microphone in the large halls, I got to listen to all of the panels and basically got mini masterclasses from incredible actors. My roommate also tried to start an Actor’s Meet Up, where we get together and run scenes as a super cool way of networking, but since 3 of the 4 attendees now live in Toronto, it looks like someone else will have to take over? And it isn’t really an acting class, but I am definitely proud of the fact that I passed both my non-restricted and restricted firearm safety courses. In theory, this means I can buy and own certain guns, but I am more interested in what it can mean on sets.

I participated in 3 table reads, one for the English translation of Antoine’s Cow, one for Montreal Girls, a movie in pre-production, and more recently an excerpt of a sci-fi film for Toronto Cold Reads, which I will definitely be returning to in the New Year. The stage has become a lot less scary for me, not just through my time at LAMDA and with these ventures, but from all the time I spent ‘stage managing’ Leave The Therapy Take The Cannoli. I still can’t really call myself a stage manager, but it was a pleasure helping them out and being a part of that famiglia.

Over the summer, I got some insight into how a friend creates his shot lists by helping out for one. His method involves a lot more people than the sheets of paper I’ve seen others use, but it also gives you the opportunity to actually test out the lighting and angles and distances. Ideally, it would be how I would like to create the shot list on my next project. This was not my only time posing for a camera though, as I participated in prop photos for a friend’s short (they’re amazing, but I’m not allowed to share yet), had the privilege of being photographed by Owain Thomas, photographer and friend extraordinaire, and recently got more shots with a new production company.

I made a multitude of discoveries and worked on myself and my materials through Bonnie Gillespie’s Get in Gear for The Next Tier (and the free end of year one as well), and plan to revisit the wealth of knowledge after rereading her book, Self Management for Actors in the New Year.

On a personal level…I can’t even begin to explain the journey I took over the past year. As a writer and an actor, I often list a lack of life experiences as something that is holding me back, and while I probably only caught up on a fraction of what I have been missing out on, I have discovered so much about myself.

It started out with little things in class, like holding someone’s hands for an extended period of time, slow dancing with strangers, accepting compliments and not so pleasant truths in Meisner (over and over again).

Then everything came together when I spent a lot of days on a set this summer. I was doing background, but I went with the intention of meeting people and being…memorable? I’m used to going on set and remembering everyone’s name, but they mostly won’t remember mine. Which is sometimes because they have a bad memory, sometimes because I didn’t say much, and sometimes I literally just overheard someone else using their name and remembered it. This time, I was determined to actually talk to people, get to know them…be the me I am always too afraid of being, because I’m worried people won’t like me. When I say things happen for a reason, part of me is okay with not being ACTRA yet, because this was the kind of set that I probably wouldn’t have been on if I was a union member, and if I hadn’t been there…I can’t be certain, but I don’t think I would be living in Toronto right now, and my comfort zone would be substantially smaller. It was the little things, like people using my name, or coming over to greet me in the mornings, but it made me feel special and like people actually enjoyed talking to me, and my company, which isn’t always the case. I would show up at our call time, which would be incredibly early, with a smile, so excited to be there and to see what the day would bring. I went in knowing a lot of people, but I left knowing the name of almost every extra on set, a lot of the crew, stunt people…even some of the cast. I became a lot closer to people I had just known in passing before then, and also made some new friends, whose support and advice mean the world to me.

It was through this experience that I met someone who broke down walls I didn’t even know I had, completely overwhelmed my comfort zone and taught me so much. About life, relationships, love, heartbreak, but mostly, about myself. About the kind of person I am (how she’s pretty awesome and I shouldn’t be afraid to share her), how much I can handle (way more than I would have thought), how much I am willing to give (everything, so I should be careful), but also what I want, and the things I don’t want to compromise on. We are still friends, and even now, I don’t regret a single thing. Because of the lessons and the experiences, yes, but also for the way it made me feel. Confident. Desirable. Needed. Wanted. Enough.

After this, I was brave enough to post an entry about an experience I had in the past where I learnt to stand up for myself, that I was afraid of sharing, but felt I needed to. I was confident enough with myself to do background in a bikini, and a revealing bathing suit, which would have (and still) terrified me, but I did it. Then I went so far as to sign on for a shoot where I got held captive in my bra and underwear, which was so far out of my comfort zone, but now it’s done, so the comfort zone is bigger. And I’m not going to say there’s a link with what I lived this summer, but I am now able to cry. Which was holding me back acting-wise, but also in life. I felt so closed off when all the women in my family were crying, and I just sat there, dry-eyed, not really feeling it. I still probably can’t just cry on cue, but I have been able to cry in scenarios at McGill, in class, on set, in auditions, in rehearsals, and most importantly, in my life. My cousin recently said yes to the dress, and my aunt’s tears led to everyone else in the room crying as well. I was about to argue when my cousin pointed this out, because I was so used to being unaffected, but there I was, crying along with them. Happy tears. Silly tears. But I wasn’t closing myself off anymore.

Probably the biggest change was me moving to Toronto in November. Having never lived away from home for more than a few months at a time, this was pretty huge for me, and my family, but like I said in the beginning of this post…I was ready. Or at least I am now. Looking back, it wasn’t the year I joined the union, and my career didn’t explode, but I still think I was right when I said 2017 was my year. Because now that I know I’m enough, it’ll be a lot easier to convince the rest of the world.

I hope your year brought you more joy than sadness, more accomplishments than defeats, but most of all, I hope next year knocks this one out of the park. For all of us.

“Everything happens kind of the way it’s supposed to happen, and we just watch it unfold. And you can’t control it. Looking back, you can’t say ‘I should’ve…’ You didn’t, and had you, the outcome would have been different.”

-Rick Rubin

Sets and SPs

This past Monday I got my first day on a Toronto set in years, and it was…a lot of things. When I was doing the back and forth for Reign, it was my first experience with knowing the names of some of the ADs, and also having them know mine. When I checked in at my call time, the girl didn’t have to ask me my name, she just highlighted it and handed me my voucher. This was followed by years of background in Montreal until finally, this past Spring, I got them to know me. I spent the summer being one of the people whose name the AD knows, in a good way (not like in school, where you don’t want the principal to know your name), only to start all over again in Toronto, as if I had never done background before. At least as far as the ADs and hair and makeup and costume were concerned. Although I obviously realized this would be the case, I still found it really weird not to recognize any of the crew. And although circumstances that I can’ discuss mean that most of them still won’t know me next time I see them, I got to work learning their names, introducing myself, and remembering them, so that Toronto will rebecome as familiar as Montreal has. Really cool to note is that I did not break my tradition of knowing someone on set, both with the background, and from the cast. I don’t want to do background forever, because I know it’s not the best move for my career, but I do love being a part of a set and getting to know all of the people there, so it’s nice to see someone who knows you from before.

The most noteworthy part of the day, which was spent outside working on the same scene all day, was that it was a scene where they encouraged us to show a lot of emotion, and cry if we could. I mentioned a few weeks ago how I was worried that my being able to cry was contingent upon what was going on in my life, or that it wouldn’t be sustainable take after take, but I learnt on Monday that my block is either gone, or on an extended vacation. I don’t think the camera is ever actually on me, so I doubt you’ll be able to see this when the episode comes out, but I was able to cry for every single take, and we did a lot of them. My roommate has warned me that it’s weird to get excited about crying and some of the other acting challenges I have gone through lately, but for someone who thought this was holding them back, both in their career and in their personal life, the fact that I am not blocked off from my emotions anymore is a wonderful thing.

When I got home after, we did our roommate Christmas, with sparkling wine and cheese and Secret Santa gifts and it was really nice. I often spend one on one time with all of my roommates, but we are very rarely all 5 of us together in the same room for an extended period of time.

Tuesday morning I picked up some Christmas presents, one from an amazing friend, Miyuki Crochet, that I encourage you to check out because everything she does is handmade and gorgeous, then drove back to Montreal with Johnny. We hit traffic as we were getting close to the city, so plans got muddled and he ended up coming with me to Suzanna’s last class/Christmas thing that I had specifically told him we had to leave a day earlier so I could attend. It turned out to be very fortuitous, because after he and I both got to run lines and be readers with some of the people actually in class, Suzanna did a special activity, where we had to stand still in front of the camera, while everyone else wrote down the adjectives that came to mind when looking at us. Everyone else was biased by the fact that we all know each other, but at least they got one completely objective observer in the form of Johnny. I got no objective observers, because I knew everyone, but I still got a lot of interesting feedback, and my original purpose for coming was to see friends, so it’s a good thing that I knew everyone.

On Wednesday, I hung out with my grandparents before a day spent out and about. Some of it was a boring errand, but then I had a skype meeting for a part I will be filming later this month, where we went over the story and logistics for rehearsals and stuff. Next, I went to the Sim Center’s Inaugural SP Christmas 5 a 7, which I misread and showed up a little before 4, which was awkward for about 5 minutes, until I just got to catch up with a bunch of friends. I say inaugural because we usually meet at a restaurant upstairs for drinks (that one time I went, but it has been going on for years), but this year it was at the Sim Center, with snacks and a dance floor and a lot more people than last year.

I made it a point to meet the new SPs, but have to say that I spent most of my time on the dance floor. Toronto will be a great move for me, career-wise, and there’s a lot more opportunity there, but I do miss all of these beautiful people here. I guess I need to find my Toronto crowd for dance offs and serenades and who will drag me into the middle of the dance floor under the impression that I can dance much better than I actually can. That being said, my Montreal one is pretty awesome and currently has me covered.

When this party ended, after all the goodbyes, I went to another party that was an open event on facebook, but I still mostly invited myself to it, and dragged Johnny along. You see, when your career is as an actor, or crew, or doing background, you may get invited to the wrap parties, depending on how involved you were in the project, but you don’t exactly have an office Christmas party like normal jobs do. So, this party was for people in the film industry who don’t have an office party. Once there, we found that most people used it as it was intended, an office party to hang out with your colleagues and celebrate the holidays, so it wasn’t quite the networking event we had intended. The pub was super crowded though, so in addition to me introducing him to everyone I knew, I also got to meet a couple of people from the simple fact that we were either pushed into each other, or shared one of those moments where you’re almost bulldozed to the floor, and I happened to be around to see it. Still, it was nice to see the people I did see, and I reconnected with a girl who may have a project for me, so if I happen to be in town next year, I’m not ruling it out.

Thursday was an early morning after a late night so I could go get some pictures taken by a new production company that is building up archive of actors for future projects. In the hour that I was there, two of my fellow SPs from McGill showed up, as well as people I had met doing background. I had brought a bunch of looks and shown up wearing one I thought gave me a slight edge, in case I wanted to go for a role that’s slightly against type, but they chose the 2 dresses, so no such luck. One of the guys did tell me it’s all about attitude, regardless of what I’m wearing, but I still think having an outfit that matched the type wouldn’t have hurt.

They also had us do a monologue, which they brought me into the hallway for. Midway through my rendition, the elevator opened and a crowd of people came in, talking loudly. I kept going, because he never called cut, but when I finished and he said “Thank You”, I asked, “Aren’t we going to redo it, because you missed half of it?” but he said it was okay. So he either thinks the first half is enough to convince someone whether or not they would want to hire me (which is valid, but I would still never send in a self tape where you can’t hear half of it) or that’s just how they roll?

The rest of the day was spent finishing up my Christmas shopping, hanging out with family, and Getting in Gear for the New Year. It’s an 11 day program to revamp your materials and mindset and stuff for the coming year, which I have been doing for a few years now, but I get something new from it every time. Either I get to see how much my mindset has evolved, or I have a new headshot to use for feedback (like the one above, by the uber talented and absolutely amazing Owain Thomas), or I simply get a new understanding of what the results mean. Either way, I’m excited to see what surprises and revelations come this year.

Yesterday we had Christmas with my grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, so slightly behind on Get in Gear and all of that, but Family has to come first sometimes. Now to catch up and get ready for some more career defining discoveries.

P.S. As part of Day 2 of Get in Gear, feel free to comment with any words you think of when you look at that headshot 🙂

 

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.”

-Michael J. Fox

Not So Networking

Business is winding down as the holidays are approaching, but some eager beavers are already thinking of the year to come, while others celebrate the end of the season, so I still had a lot going on this week.

Monday morning I had an agent meeting in Toronto, which was really awesome, whether I get signed with them or not, because in addition to asking me questions and having me share why I could be an awesome member of their team, she also went through my resume with me, giving advice on what should stay and what should go, what classes I am missing, what casting directors are looking for in certain situations…if nothing else, it was really enlightening, industry-wise, and gave me stuff to think about.

Which is good, because as soon as the meeting was over, I had a nice long drive back to Montreal. I didn’t exactly drive there just for the YEAA Holiday Mixer, but I did leave a day earlier in order to attend.

I stay with my parents when I am in Montreal, so since the mixer started at 6, I told them I would be home by 9, 10 at the latest. I am getting better at networking, but I am still really good at finding valid excuses to go home early, cuddle up with a tea and catch up on work. Especially given that I wasn’t sure how invited I was, since YEAA, the Young Emerging Actors Assembly, is an ACTRA committee, which I am not a part of.

Still, I showed up just as it was starting, before most people had arrived, and started talking to the people that I knew, as one does at networking events. Before long I was invited to sit at a table, and then before I knew it, I was not self-consciously trying to find people I could talk to in order to not look weird by myself in a corner; I was having fun, talking to friends, introducing people to each other. I was catching up with old friends, making new ones and genuinely having a really good time. So good, that it was 11 before I even thought of leaving. Maybe the secret to not being terrible at networking it to… not network? In the end, although I didn’t come back just for that, if I had, I think it would have been worth it.

The next few days I spent a lot of time with family, Christmas shopping and doing all kinds of self tapes. I find it really funny that after moving into a house full of actors, I still end up doing most of my self tapes with my dad. He may not be an actor, but he is a trooper, and amazing. From self tapes and keeping my car clean and safe, to putting up Christmas lights because he knows I love them. No news yet, and they all film in the new year so I’m not holding my breath just yet, but it feels good to be constantly submitting myself and putting myself out there.

On Thursday I had supper at my cousin’s, where she decided we would celebrate her birthday by her giving me all kinds of gifts. I know she is very into clearing out her clutter in recent years, but I feel like I am making a killing off of it.

On Friday, I went to work at McGill, for a scenario I do almost every month and really enjoy. A few people did ask what I was doing there (I am sure I have friends who still don’t believe I moved away), and though I assured them I was already in town so it made sense to say yes, the truth is that the trip got planned around this booking, and that I am sort of constantly looking for reasons to come back. More to justify family visits with work events and opportunities, but I am starting to realize that if I really want to make things work in Toronto, I may have to stop spending so much time in Montreal. My goal is to be working in both markets, and my family is still in Montreal, so the visits will never stop, but I think I am currently spending as much time in Montreal as in Toronto, if not more. Something to look into and figure out after the holidays.

That afternoon, I went to see Star Wars with my brother, which I really enjoyed. We could dissect it and nitpick, but I was entertained, I laughed, the popcorn was good, the company was great, and it was a lovely way to spend an afternoon before driving home to Toronto. Through a whiteout. Which was a new experience, in that they don’t usually last that long, and I am usually more familiar with the roads that I am not seeing. But I made it home in time to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at the Holiday Party Saturday morning.  Though I also learnt I should coordinate and establish leaving and arrival times with people in advance. I used to have an OCD like compulsion to make a schedule and stick to it, which I have been working on this past year or so, and living with roommates and going places with them is definitely teaching me to be less fixated on my plans and more willing to just go with the flow. Like a lot of things, I am working on it.

It turned out to be a day of Christmas parties, and I got an impromptu at home salon day from my roommate, who straightened, cut and curled my hair. I was basically her Barbie doll, and she made me…not quite me. Or at least not the me I am used to. But I like her. I think we can be friends. At the party, I met some cool people; actors, agents and entrepreneurs alike. I was also touched by the kindness of not entirely strangers, but pretty much. Since coming to Toronto, I have been slightly scrambling to get all my stuff together (not that I really had that in Montreal, but new town, new me, right?) and it is overwhelming how many people are willing to help. To give advice or support or even help you achieve your goals. Acting is a lot of competition, yes, but it is also community. And I am finally finding mine, both here and in Montreal.

Sunday morning I woke up early for an audition, which luckily was set the morning after a work Christmas party, so I was right in the proper mindset. I considered keeping last night’s makeup, but decided that might be a bit much. And they might not realize it was a costume choice and think I’m just…weird? We did the scene once, with them cutting right before the end, where I would have had a bit of power moment, then they gave me a few notes about backstory and had me go again. From their reactions, I think I played it differently than the others who had auditioned so far, which could be awesome, or it could just not be what they are looking for. But, I made a choice, showed them that I could act, and take direction. So no matter what happens, I’m putting this one down as a win.

By the time this gets posted, I will have been on set for hours with my 4:30 am call time. And as much as I love sleep (a whole lot), I love acting and being on set way more. Even for background.

 

 

“To nurture the sort of relationships that will truly help propel you towards accomplishing great things, you need to forget transactional networking and focus on having in-depth conversations with fewer people about subjects you really care about.”

-Naveen Jain

“I’ve met so many who have opened doors for me and remained in my life both personally and professionally. After a while, networking doesn’t feel like ‘networking’. It’s both serendipitous and unpredictable, and something that just naturally becomes part of your work life and your personal life.”

-Narciso Rodriguez

Month One

I have now been in Toronto for a month (with a few trips home in between) and although I’m assuming this will feel temporary until January at least, I am starting to get my bearings.

My last post ended with my parents leaving, but a piece of home remained in the form of Johnny, who I still think of as my cousin’s best friend, but has also been a coworker and a great friend in this whole acting business. Most of the day was spent unpacking and setting things up, until Shiva arrived, making it a Tom Todoroff reunion with the 3 of us and Christie. It was also on that night that we decided to participate in Hidden Gems, an elementary school’s talent show, that has since blossomed into the idea of writing and filming our own anthology of shorts. I love writing (actually won Nanowrimo this November, even with the move, and for non-fiction en plus) and acting and these people are pretty awesome, so I am really excited for this project. For now, we had a rehearsal with the 3 kids and most of the adults, then the official audition at the school. I knew the adults were all good, having seen everyone perform at Tom Todoroff, but the kids blew me away with their emotional availability and dedication. I am definitely going to be learning from them in the coming months.

We didn’t have internet at our apartment for most of this month, so a lot of my time was spent going to cafés to do some agent sendouts, and trying to get a job in the acting world. My original plan had been to spend November in Montreal, doing these sendouts, so that I could move to Toronto in January with an agent and a job and have it all figured out. Opportunity knocked and things changed, so I am multitasking, getting settled and getting representation, but being in the city does make it easier to go to the agent meetings I get. And I managed to get myself a job doing what I did at McGill, and have already worked a couple of days at it. Hopefully by the end of the month I will also have an agent that I love, who is excited to work with me and help me build my career. If not, I’m still excited to work with me, so I’ll just have to hustle.

Recently I spent even more time in coffee shops, regardless of internet, to make new friends and meet up with old ones. First I had coffee with a director I had worked with back in Montreal, to catch up and talk about the city, but mostly because he wanted insight for a movie he is currently writing, which is awesome, because it means he thinks that I have knowledge ; ) Next there was my first Toronto Ninjas meeting, which only featured one TO ninja, but she was wonderful and someone I definitely want to meet up with again. Then I met up with someone I work with at McGill, who had done an amazing  photoshoot with me once. While he probably used to be more of a colleague, I’m pretty sure that now he’s a friend. So distance can bring people closer.

I got my first opportunity to live up to my self tape promise in Toronto after being in the city for just a few days, and not only made a new friend, I got to cuddle a rabbit out of it. Also, it was in French, so always nice to ‘use it so I don’t lose it’. (For those wondering what the self tape promise is, I vowed to always say yes to help friends out with self tapes, as long as I wasn’t busy. So even if I am at home in pjs and don’t feel like going out, unless I am booked to be doing something different, I will come and be your reader. This not only works for if you ask me directly, it also works if I see your facebook post. I used to scroll by, assuming someone else who was closer to them would volunteer, but now I do anyways. Because sometimes there isn’t anyone closer, and even if there is, I love being a reader, so might as well put myself in the running.)

To prepare for all of the eventual auditions I would be getting, my roommate brought me on a tour of the studios and casting houses, which really are all super close to our house. We were there for her to audition more than for a tour, but it is exciting to see how much is going on in this city, and how many opportunities there are. Not to mention just how many Montreal expats you can randomly meet in a single café. (The answer is 5 of us, and one of them happens to be connected to all but one of the 5 people living in my house).

If you know me, you know I love movies, so while we have had a bunch of unofficial roommate movie nights, I have also started scoping out nearby theaters, catching up on my Justice League, and getting to know Ladybird.

We had a slightly impromptu very low key housewarming party, but it is the quality that counts, not the quantity, and we had a pretty awesome group of people (one even offered to build me a ladder for my loft, which may or may not have been serious, but is still really sweet). We had so much fun that night that we made plans to do it all over again the next morning at the Christmas Market. That was maybe aiming too high, given just how much fun was had the night before, but we did get to meet up after separately exploring the market, and have a pretty fun afternoon together.

Before signing up for classes, which I think I will do in January, I have been auditing them, to try and find the best fit for me in a new city, because my acting teacher in Montreal, Suzanna LeNir, is really hard to beat. I am not only excited to get into acting classes here, but also to learn new things, and maybe brush up on and improve some skills I have merely dabbled in so far. And I’m open to suggestions J

This past weekend, I had my first real Toronto audition in front of a casting director (where I somehow talked my way into a rendition of Little Big Town’s “Girl Crush”), attended an open casting call and participated in the cold reading of a feature-in-progress at Toronto Cold Reads (it was the part of a seven year old, which I am told I nailed), rounding out an incredible month full of firsts and exciting new adventures. The plan is to keep the momentum going and just keep expanding my comfort zone and making the absolute best of this move.

Which will eventually mean spending more time just in Toronto, rather than all these back and forths, but I have 27 years of being a homebody, so it will take some adjusting. Back in Montreal I spent lots of time with family, was a reader on set and for a casting agency, filmed a cool new top secret project, did some background with some awesome peeps and had brunch and coffee with friends. I feel like it’s important to keep in touch, especially since I am living more like I have 2 homes than like I moved away at the moment. And don’t ever want to lose the sense that Montreal, and everyone there, is also home.

 

“Home is where the heart is.”

-Pliny the Elder

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

-Albert Einstein

The Last Week

Some very interesting things have happened in the few weeks since I last posted. Chronologically, I will start with the last class of the month at Suzanna’s; audition class. We spent the first few minutes discussing how I went from being in class indefinitely, to “I’m moving to Toronto in December.” Suzanna wasn’t ready to lose me to Toronto, and to be honest it didn’t seem real to me yet either. I was apartment hunting and figuring out budgets and finding all kinds of potential roommates, but it still felt like something that wasn’t really going to happen.

An old friend from class came in unexpectedly, which was really nice, then I did camera for the first scene. I hadn’t printed my scene, so my reader eventually had to go through my phone for his lines.  I chose the one from Narcos, which was good, because there were all kinds of different things to explore, like really flirting, just being relieved to see a familiar face, being worried about my husband vs not realizing it’s serious until he talks to me. I felt really bad that I was distracted during a lot of the other scenes, since there was a conversation going on to decide whether or not we wanted a certain apartment in Toronto. For the commercial part Tracy and I did a really weird one involving a hooked hand and a parrot.

The rest of the week was a blur, because although I left class thinking I would be back for the month of November and only moving December 10^th, our first place fell through and we ended up finding a bigger place, with a new roommate, and a much closer move-in date. By Friday, we were leasing a house and moving the following week!

My last weekend in Montreal, I filmed a short called The Girl on The Run. I don’t want to give too much away, even if its intended use is for film school admittance, but I definitely got to play some intense scenes with a whole lot of emotions. I was in awkward and uncomfortable situations, then running in heels in the cold and rain. But I loved it. Because I was on a set and I was acting 🙂

Sunday was a family day, for my niece’s and my brother’s birthdays. It was nice to see everyone before leaving, but it also convinced me that I will have to be coming back often. Probably not for every Sunday night dinner, but at least the birthdays and holidays.

My last week should have been spent packing and getting things ready for the move, so I would have a job and agent meetings and stuff lined up once I got to Toronto, but instead, I was working. Apparently that’s how things go, that as soon as you’re leaving, everybody wants you. Well, not everyone, but I did spend one day as a reader, two days on set as background and one day at Mcgill as a standardized patient. It was a really emotional scenario where I cried every single time. Last time I had to cry for an audition, I was going through some stuff personally, so it was really easy to get the tears to come. This time, it was good to know that I could cry consistently even when I wasn’t going through stuff. Although I guess I was moving to a new city, away from my family and almost everyone I know. But that still didn’t seem real, so it wasn’t affecting my emotions.

My brother and his girlfriend came over on Friday to help pack up my stuff, then on Saturday my parents and I drove to Toronto, like we had countless times before. Only this time, they drove back on Sunday without me. Because I was staying. Because I live here now.  (In Toronto. Not because it wasn’t clear, but because I sometimes need to remind myself.)

I’ll write another post to recap my first week here, which will hopefully have all kinds of new and exciting developments, but for now, thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me and believed in me and convinced me that this was something that I could do. To everyone who gave me advice or people to contact or reached out…I appreciate you all more than you could ever know.

And to everyone I know in Toronto, I’m here! So let’s hang out 🙂

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving.”

-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.”

-Dave Mustaine

Follow the Mountaintop to Chekhov

This weekend started out on set, for the Social Media Horror Event, Follow, it happened yesterday, if any of you followed, but it should come out on youtube or something as well, in case you missed it. We had originally planned to live stream a bunch of it on Sunday, but because it was going to rain all day, we filmed all of my scenes ahead of time, on the Saturday. Not only is the medium in which the story was told super original and interesting, but the story also touches upon some serious issues. Did you notice?

Through the use of the Instagram stories of 3 separate accounts, you witness the murder of one girl, the stalking of another, and I won’t reveal the end, for all of those who aren’t done watching it yet, but things get serious. It was entirely shot using cell phones, and I was the one behind the camera for most of my scenes. Which was an experience in and of itself. And for those who are paying attention, yes, I am aware that I keep getting cast as someone who takes a lot of selfies and lives on Instagram. It might be a sign that I should work harder at it in my personal life, but I just can’t imagine anyone really caring that much about me writing at home in a onesie. Or what I thought of a movie when I am literally the easiest person to please movie-wise. Perhaps I just need to find a niche, but in the meantime, I am perfectly happy only taking selfies for work!

Once filming was done, I headed over to the Segal Center for one of the last performances of the Mountaintop. A new friend had asked me to join her, and I need to see more local theatre. And make friends. So it was perfect. She was only getting there at 7:30, which usually would have meant I would be playing on my phone in my car until that time, at which point I would walk in and pretend I had just arrived. Because who wants to be wandering alone in a room of people, trying to look busy so it doesn’t look like you just don’t have any friends? That used to be my reasoning. And it is still part of my first instinct. Instead, I parked, replied to the few pressing messages I had, then went straight in. A half an hour before my friend was supposed to arrive. I scoured the room for a familiar face, then decided to kill time by going to get my ticket. And there were the first familiar faces of the evening! They were working though, so I headed back out into the crowd and found someone I work with at McGill. Not only do I know her, she is super nice and interesting and we had no problem talking about all kinds of things until my friend arrived. We mostly became friendly over facebook rather than the first time we met, so it was nice to catch up in person and reconfirm that I definitely really like this person. We talked right up until the play started, then all the ride home.

As for the play, I saw the Lorraine Motel sign as soon as I got out of my car, and knew from having visited the actual motel in Memphis that the next few hours were definitely going to tug at my heartstrings. My expectations were met, and the performances were incredible. Also, I walked out wanting to do better and be better, which can never be a bad thing.

On Sunday, there was a free Scene Study workshop at the Centaur. Jackie Maxwell directed 13 actors in 5 scenes from Chekhov plays over the course of nearly 4 hours. I wasn’t sure I would make it, so I didn’t even try to be one of the performers, but even through watching you learn so much. They were ‘works’ not performances, but they were all incredible, with each try bringing new layers and sometimes completely changing how the scene plays out. I will definitely be putting my hat in for the next one, and recommend it to all of my Montreal actor friends.

 

“We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are.”
-Max DePree