Sets, 4Points and TAWC

Monday was a pretty big day for me. I worked to get things organized for my new job, and dealt with some last minute things for the TAWC Content Development Session I was spearheading. The other helpers and I arrived to find that the room had already been set up, and they were wheeling in plates of food. All we had to do was get to contacting people on the waiting list whenever someone let us know they couldn’t make it. Then I had the pleasure of meeting Annie Bradley for the first time.

Less than a minute into the masterclass, which was packed with enthusiastic ACTRA members, I knew Annie was the best person we could have brought in. I think even someone with absolutely no interest in ever directing would have loved being in that room, listening to her speak. She taught us about directing, yes, but she also shared so much life advice and lessons in tenacity and going after your goals. She talked about idea jams and creating your own work, and I know that not only was I so inspired, I have already been added to at least 2 groups that have decided to follow her advice and do it.

I have 8 full pages of notes, with a bunch of homework sprinkled in between, including each of us directing something within the next year. We asked if she would come back next year and watch all our films, mostly teasing, but she seemed completely serious when she told us she would. She was so generous with her time and knowledge that we nearly had to be kicked out of the building to leave. This fierce, talented, tenacious woman has just guaranteed herself a spot at the top of my list of directors I want to work with.

After the masterclass I went to 4points and did both the 7 and the 8 o’clock classes. When there were no more opponents I felt I could handle with my arm, I hinted at taking a round off. David pointed out that he needed me in order for everyone to have a partner, so I went for it and realized I had nothing to worry about.

Tuesday I was on set, singing during and making lists between takes, and I also got a call from someone I know who is thinking of doing a TIP and wanted some advice. Since I went through it and research things a lot before I get into them, I was able to answer most of his questions, and offered to help in any way I can. I always say that any day on set is a good day, and my favorite part is acting, but any way I can be creating is amazing. Plus, I know how hard it was when I was doing my films and how much I appreciated any kind of help that was offered.

On Wednesday I worked at the gym, found out some secrets and went to a TAWC meeting. I am so grateful that I found this committee last year, not just because it’s an incredible initiative that aims to get women working and to help them do it, but because the women who are on the committee with me are just so awesome and inspiring. I can’t wait to see all of the amazing things we will achieve.

After the meeting, I went back to the gym and stuck around for all of the classes. I got a submission against someone I have rolled against a bunch of times without us ever really submitting each other, and I think I am improving, even if the fear is keeping me from going as hard as I could. I’m usually pretty passive in rolling, but because being at the bottom leaves me vulnerable to all of the things that will hurt my elbow, I have been trying really hard to not let that happen, and to stay on top. So more active, but still a long way to go.

Thursday was for errands and the gym, before I went home and made some pesto chicken zoodles. I made a really big batch and didn’t compensate with enough pesto, but it smelt delicious and still tasted pretty good. The rest of the night was spent trying to catch up with all of the admin work I have been putting off, like renewing my license plate stickers, signing up for classes, returning contracts…stuff I probably shouldn’t be putting off.

On Friday I went down to the gym and lifted for the first time since I hurt my elbow in the competition. Part of it was because I didn’t want to aggravate it, but the majority of it was laziness. Then I went to do background on something I’ll probably be on a bit for the next few months. Only 10 people were going to be staying for the second scene, and I was really looking forward to a Friday night with the boyfriend and maybe some friends, but when the AD came and asked if I wouldn’t mind staying, I obviously agreed. I ate way too many desserts to compensate for being there, but I did get some work done. One scene is in a library, where I am supposed to be doing homework, so I got to reorganize my priorities and figure out some things that I need to do, which I probably waste too much time doing over and over again, but I feel like it really helps me organize myself and my time once I have it all written down.

Saturday I was at the gym early to help them get everything ready for the 11 am class. The class itself didn’t have anything special, but they had extended the gym’s mezzanine overnight and wanted it to look as cool as it was when everyone arrived to see it for the first time. We finished with a half an hour to spare, before 3 kids classes in a row, followed by takedowns and open mat. I participated in the last two, working on the same takedown we had learnt before the competition, then doing some technique and situational rolling with Gözde. We were mostly taking it pretty easy until someone kindly offered to roll with me and have me work on things. They also got to work on things such as cool chokes. Not sure who got the better deal, but he definitely enjoyed it more.

Afterwards, some of us went out for thai food, and made plans for the evening. We went to Ali and Gözde’s where we made popcorn, watched Harry Potter, enjoyed some delicious Persian pastries & Turkish tea and really had an amazing time.

On Sunday I lifted in the morning, trying to keep up with some kind of a routine, then relaxed the rest of the day. I did, however, make it a point to plan for my week ahead, because I find it easier to accomplish things when you know exactly what your priorities are, as well as what needs to get done to reach them.

“Everyone has the right to a dream. But dreams only come true through tenacity, working hard and being in it for the long game.”

“If you never fail, you’re awful at your job. But make sure you’re making new mistakes all the time, not the same ones.”

-Annie Bradley

Next Gen Niagara Falls

My second tournament was a lot less stressful than the first. For instance, I woke up and had a bunch of eggs and mushrooms and spinach and turkey bacon because my weight was good. I did weigh myself continuously to make sure this was still the case, but I did not have to jog around for hours in multiple layers to try and lose a few pounds to not be disqualified. We packed a bunch of snacks, got ready and headed out to Niagara with a few members of Team 4Points.

We talked about movies and restaurants and classes on the drive rather than me furiously texting with my coach about my weight and everything I ate in the past few days. It was worse than when the weight watchers lady asked me if I was sure I understood the program, because the goal is to lose weight, not gain it. (Worse as in my shame was greater, listing off my food to them. Their attitude to me at the time had been super encouraging and supportive)

We arrived in Niagara in time to see one of the ‘kids’ compete, and congratulate a few others who won GOLD. It is worth attending these tournaments just for the team spirit and to see the 4Points Family in action. I am so proud of every single one of us that competed.

Dave and Ayisha went to eat, since they had been there all morning, but we expressly told them that they would not be forgiven if they were not back in time for our matches.

The time we had been given for the 3 girls was 1:45, so at one o’clock we got ready with our GIs on (my weight was still good, I checked) and started warming up.

The mats were super small, so we did very few drills, then found a corner and did the warm ups we had been taught the night before. Jonathon supervised, gave us pointers, and had us work on our entrances and stuff.

Joe told us we were being called for our weigh ins, so the 3 girls went over, and Arsen acted as communications specialist, letting the others know what mats we would be on. I wasn’t technically doing the first match, so he waited with me while Gözde and Dahye were whisked off to their mats. Only slightly awkward that I was left alone with my future opponent for 10 or so minutes. She was definitely shorter than me, but it looked like she was all muscle. Do I smile? Should I do my tough face to try and intimidate her? Should I introduce myself?

Luckily, I was saved from having to figure that out because Gözde’s first match started. She had warned us that she didn’t want us yelling advice or whatever, she wanted to be able to hear Dave and Ayisha, but I was practically miles away so I cheered and whooped my head off because she was killing it. She had vacillated between being numb and nervous today, but your first competition is always nerve-wracking. She dominated the whole time (from what I saw). I would barely have time to be worried when the other girl got something before Gözde was right back on top. She won by points at the end of the roll and I was beaming with pride for my BJJ Sister.

Dahye’s fight I watched slightly differently, because I knew that there was a possibility I would eventually be fighting her opponent. My mindset going into the tournament had originally been “As long as I win one match I get a medal”, then I moved into a lower weight class and it became “I hope I make weight”, then a few days before the tournament I thought, “Maybe everyone else will be newer and smaller or I’ll just surprise everyone and somehow get gold” On the day of, it was a combination of all 3, mixed with “I hope I don’t die”. (Focusing on the weight was probably silly this time, once I knew I would be good, but stressing about something I can do things to control was way more comforting than stressing out about the million things that could happen during the match that I have pretty much no control of at this point)

Gözde was waiting for her second match as mine was starting, but luckily enough Ayisha ran over, because I would have panicked without her. Not that we haven’t trained, but sometimes you blank when you’re out there and them yelling at you what to do is the only way you get through it (I am told). I think part of them coaching me like that is helpful because the part of me that is convinced I can’t do what they’re telling me to, has me try it to show them. But sometimes it works. And it’s good just to know that you have someone there if ever you do freeze.

I have seen the video, but I am going to give more of my recollection of the match, rather than a play by play.

I was awkward from the start. I was pretty sure the referee was telling us to come, but my opponent wasn’t looking at him, so I bowed and got on the mat, but she didn’t, so I almost stepped off, then he motioned for us to come and I did. I felt like I was supposed to bow to him and shake his hand, but she didn’t, then he said to start and I bowed (which we don’t ever do before rolling, Dave specifically calls out “Shake hands and go”. I don’t know why I was being weird), but she went to shake my hand, so I shook hers and it was on. She lunged at me, but I got my grips. Not close enough to confidently go for my takedown, but I probably should have tried instead of waiting and giving her time to work. She tried something, so I wrapped my arm around her head, like I always do (not because I should, it’s just what my brain feels comfortable doing). I heard Ayisha yelling at me to sprawl, so I made sure my legs were behind my butt (I have since ‘clicked’ that sprawl actually means sprawl, as in bring your knees to the ground, not just bring your legs back and hips down. I didn’t mean to half-ass it). I tried an osotogari, slightly convinced it wouldn’t work, then did it again half-heartedly when she told me to try again. I overthink things and figured she heard and knew I was coming. She drove into me and took me down, but I got her in my closed guard.

I tried to choke her with an x-choke, then heard Ayisha yelling to sweep her, so I turned to focus on that, working on an omoplata sweep when she tried to do a standing guard pass. She moved her leg way back, I tried to get it, eventually lost my guard, she tried to take my back, I evaded so she was in side control, my instinct was to hold my hand so she couldn’t Americana me, but I had just been told to not let people get me in Americana rather than trying to defend it, so I tried to get out instead of trying to resist, but she was fast and I heard the pop so I tapped.

I went over to Ayisha and Arsen, feeling completely defeated. They told me I did well, and Ayisha insisted that I know her well enough that I should believe her when she says that, and that there are a lot of things she usually needs to correct me on, and was expecting me to do, that I didn’t do. I said I believed her, but was grateful that Gözde’s second match was starting. She did amazing, but the other girl won.

For my match, I think I was mostly upset because I felt like I did so much better in my first competition, lasted longer, tried more things and resisted more. I also trained more before it, whereas this time I was listening to adjustments we had made in the past week, trying to override the things that have been second nature to me for a year. I also heard every word the other coach was saying and definitely got in my head about it. I was kind of disappointed.

I went with Gözde to the podium so I could see her get her silver medal, but once there, Dave told us that there were less people in our weight division, so Dahye and I were tied for bronze. I had definitely thought to myself this morning that I would be super happy as long as I got a medal, but in my head I had to win at least one match to get it. It felt like cheating.

On the bright side, getting this participation medal, instead of making me feel like “I got a medal, I don’t have to compete anymore” made me feel like I need to train hard and show up in May and actually deserve the medal I get.

Joe was next, and rolled more than any of us (except for Dahye, who was super motivated and did the exhibition matches), winning his first 2 and getting silver from the third.

I was watching Ali’s match and waiting for Arsen’s mat to be decided when one of the media people asked me to do an interview on the exhibition matches. I told him I hadn’t participated, but he still asked me to say a few words, so I followed him. It was easy to talk about because I think it’s awesome that they’re giving white belts the opportunity to get some tournament experience, with less pressure, even if they didn’t fare so well in their official roll. It gives you the chance to roll with other people, to get comfortable in the tournament setting…it’s an all around win.

If that makes you wonder why I didn’t participate, the pop I heard before tapping probably wasn’t the best thing for my elbow. Once the adrenaline wore off, the pain came on, so I iced it and decided not to exacerbate it.

I missed Ali’s second match, and all of Jonathon’s, but I was back before Arsen was brought to his mat, and made sure the coaches were there once it started. As a new blue belt, I think he wasn’t expecting much, but he killed his first match. The second one was against a guy I have seen at every other tournament we have been to, placing every time. Arsen lost that one, but he still held his own and gave the guy a run for his money, making him work harder than he was expecting to land the submission.

In the end, there were 14 competitors from 4Points that went to Niagara and 12 of us came back with medals, but every single person fought hard and did amazing.

The adult competitors, the coaches and the 3 gym members who came to support all went to the Copacabana for supper to celebrate before we drove home, determined to train hard and kill it in May.

A Hustling Actor

Monday was the official start of my no-carbs to get down to competition weight, so every time I had a craving, I put it down in a list of foods I would have once the competition was done. Our subway stop happens to have a Cinnabon inside, so even though I have never gotten one from there before, on Monday it killed me as I headed to my Standardized patient work. We did 3 scenarios and although it was definitely weird to have my partner play my husband in the first 2 scenarios and my father in the 3^rd, I think it all worked out in the end.

That night we only went to the 8 o’clock class of BJJ, but I was put in for the last bit of situational rolling of the 7 o’clock class. When our class actually started, the competitors went off to one side, then we drilled while the others did technique. We did our guard passes, take the back and back escape, collar chokes, kimura sweeps and bridge and rolls. I was with someone newer, so I did a mix of what the competing adults were doing and what the competing kids were doing.

I chose her for the first roll at the end of class, and while I don’t think either of us got any submissions, I definitely didn’t hustle like I should have. I was too busy avoiding the blue belts, (and getting kicked in the head) which won’t actually be an issue at the competition. Then, I went against one of the teens who is competing. I got an Ezekiel and a collar choke, but he escaped my armbar and didn’t let me get my kimura on him. He’s also definitely going way too easy on me. Next, I went against one of the adults who isn’t competing, and tapped prematurely for things I usually don’t even tap for, because I was worried about getting an injury before the competition. Before last I was with a blue belt who went super easy to let me work on things like getting out of bad positions, which wasn’t quite competition hustling, but was really nice. Finally, I was back with my training partner, who submitted me with an armbar. Which sucked because she doesn’t usually submit me. And I can argue that it was because there were blue belts in the way that prevented me from doing my escape, but I also think I didn’t hustle enough and kind of deserved it.

On Tuesday I knew I wouldn’t be making it to class, so I lifted in the morning, then headed out to my standardized patient work. We’re not allowed to talk about the scenarios or what happened, but I will say that #metoo was a huge topic of conversation today, and it’s incredible to see the difference even a year makes. Perhaps I was keenly aware of it because after work I headed to Hot Docs so I could hear Tarana Burke, the original founder of the #metoo movement, speak. It was a special treat from the TAWC committee for my involvement with the Content Development Sessions, and there were a lot of the ACTRA women there. It was a thought-provoking, inspiring night and I am so glad I had the chance to be there.

Once my evening was over, I headed to the gym so Arsen could drive me home. Having officially switched my weight class registration that morning, there was no going back on the no carbs and strict diet to make weight. Knowing this, he had meal prepped for me a recipe that he fixed so it would be delicious but have none of the things I wasn’t allowed. #bestboyfriendever

On Wednesday I woke up with keto/no-carb flu. My body is definitely not used to no carbs and no sugar so it retaliated by making me tired and nauseous and sick. Luckily, I had myself a banana and powered through because I had work to do. I had to finalize things with the director for our content development session on directing and watched the final cut of a movie I shot the summer before last (it was cool because the script was changed after I filmed my scenes, so I had no idea how it ended).

By the way, I say I powered through because it sounds dramatic for the blog, but you need to be healthy. I actually called my coach, told her how I was feeling and she gave me more details into what I was allowed to be eating and how I should be compensating for the lack of carbs in my diet. Like eating a lot more protein and vegetables. I did not just keep starving myself and hoping it would go away. But I didn’t give up either. I just readjusted my plan to make sure I could perform and make weight. In a healthy way.

I went to both classes that night to make up for the fact that I didn’t go the day before. We were only 2 adults at 7, so we were paired together for lots of escapes from positions like side control, 100kg, knee on belly, which are super useful to know, because I am always stuck in those. We did some situational rolling, then I had a few rolls with guys that are a lot newer, and younger than me, who I don’t think usually submit me, but each did tonight. So not so confident going into the 8 o’clock class.

I was paired with another competitor and we worked on our takedowns and submissions and sweeps and just all kinds of things, but not in the easy way where you demonstrate that you know the technique…we did it in the hard way where you try to do the technique while the other person tries to not let you. Like when you’re rolling. Which isn’t my strong suit.

One of the guys I rolled with that night was newer, but really strong, and maybe because I was more experienced than him (and because I submitted him a few times the last time we rolled), he actually went really hard. I’m used to almost all the guys being stronger than me, but they usually also know technique better, so I feel safe that they know what they are doing every step of the way and won’t just use force half-hazardly. I don’t know about his weight and size versus mine, but I do know that I did not enjoy it, and it was the first time during jiu-jitsu where I teared up and kind of wanted to cry once it was over. I didn’t, but I can’t explain why I felt that way. Maybe I was overwhelmed by the competition and the lack of sweets in my life, but it was the first time I wasn’t smiling. I was really quiet when I mopped the mats, went shopping and drove home. It wasn’t until we were alone in the car and I told Arsen what happened that I felt better. Not that the guy did anything wrong, but admitting that I had felt that way? I don’t know.

On Thursday morning I had a job interview, then went home to prepare for an audition for a show that is currently airing (by watching a few episodes. Which is a good and a terrible idea sometimes). Then I got ready and headed out for a commercial audition. I can’t wait until I am doing so many of these that they don’t faze me at all and I know exactly what I am doing. I had prepared my lines 2 different ways, whether they were going for a more ‘uplifting commercial’ or ‘gravity of the situation’ vibe. When I got in the room, he asked me to do it 3 times per take, in 3 different ways. By the end, I repeated the line about 9 times and I think only 7 of them came out as what I wanted them to be and 2 were more like…how can I make this different than what I have just been doing? I do think 7 out of 9 isn’t bad, but I am also grateful for this learning experience, so next time I’ll prepare more variety and won’t be caught off guard.

I went home and got ready for some background work, then rushed to Ayisha for a 5 minute self tape. It was a single line that I had already done my homework for, and 5 minutes was literally all I had before I needed to leave for Mississauga. Luckily, I went to the best, so we got a couple of takes, got a slate and I was out of there before my parking even ran out.

The background work ended just before 3 am, so I let myself sleep in on Friday, then spent the morning preparing for my audition that afternoon.

It was a very interesting kind of audition, because while you usually have a script that you get to discover and make choice and make your own, this time the script was from an episode of something that is already out there and has already been done. Without giving details, it’s kind of like there was a movie they were turning into a tv show, and you know they want you to match the person who played your character in the movie, so you watch it and see that your audition scene in pretty much word for word what happens in a scene in the movie. When I went to Ayisha to work on it, she had told me to copy what I saw in the movie. When I met with her, she tried to tweak things based on what the script said, so we ultimately decided to pretend we had never seen the movie, and to make the character mine, to the best of my abilities. We ran it a bunch of times, finding different levels and motivations before I headed to the audition.

Even though I was nervous about the audition, I was also so excited to be in a casting office again, auditioning, and I was confident in the work that I had done. I went in the room, did the scene once, she told me I did a good job, thanked me and I was out of there.

I did get a bit of a “that was it?” feeling as I was walking out, but I stumbled into a friend and left feeling more like a working actor than I have in a while. Maybe working isn’t the best descriptor…a hustling actor. That’s what I felt like. Someone who hustles and makes things happen/their dreams come true.

That night we went to BJJ class for a special session with Endeavour rehab, where they showed us a bunch of warm ups and exercises for our competition the next day. I made some snacks for the competition and then we went to bed, as ready as we could be.

 

“Victim means you succumbed, but survivor means you overcame.”

-Tarana Burke

Books, BJJ and a Bday

My first week of February has been pretty busy on getting out there and doing things, but I have been very lazy when it comes to administrative tasks. Lazy probably isn’t the best explanation as to why I’m not getting things done, but nearly coughing out a lung wouldn’t really prevent me from being more productive, it just makes it a lot more tempting to cuddle up with a tea and read a book. Or sleep. I blame dry air, cold temperatures and being the guinea pig for people to learn their BJJ chokes.

I skipped out on a few BJJ classes so I wouldn’t contaminate my training pool, but before getting sick I also got to try out the takedown class with Olympian badass Ohenewa Akuffo. Gözde and I had taken her workshop months ago, so we thought we would progress quickly through her simple beginner’s step, but she actually intended for us to focus on that one move the entire class. Which was boring up until the first time she came to see us and we realized there were a million tiny elements that we were missing out on and had to work to incorporate.

I did 2 days of background on the closest I have come to being continuity in Toronto. Acting is obviously still my main dream and priority, but I have loved every time I’ve had the opportunity to become familiar with a set and the people on it. It’s one of the big reasons I wanted to try stunts, because that’s another way you get to be on the same set, day after day, a part of a bigger whole, an ensemble…a set family. So the dream is still to be a series regular on a tv show, or one of the leads in a film that will allow me to be on the same set every day for a while, but in the meantime, these little opportunities fuel my dreams.

Last week was Gözde’s birthday, so on Saturday after class we went out for supper at A La Turk, where I got my first taste of Turkish food. Every table got some complimentary puffy, Turkish balloon bread with a variety of dips, then I apparently ordered the least Turkish item on the menu, the Chicken Fillet Pide. From what I understand, Pide just means boat shaped pizza, and it’s fabulous. I did try all the other meals, which were delicious, including kebabs and Soujuk (Turkish sausage) Pide. For dessert, I went with what I knew, ordering Baklava, while they ordered Kunefe and Sutlac. The Sutlac is basically rice pudding that they covered with hazelnut, while the Kunefe was hands down my favorite. Since it’s a combination of vermicelli, cheese, pistachios and honey it sounds disgusting, but it was crazy, melt-in-your-mouth amazing. After dinner we went back to our place so I could be introduced to Borat. I don’t know if it was more entertaining to watch the movie, or their reactions to it (and me).

Side hustles this week included ultrasounds, training for simulations and manning a voting booth in Oshawa, which means I got a bunch of reading done. Chelsea’s Handler’s My Horizontal Life was a funny, quick read that made me nostalgic for the short-lived sitcom of years ago. #Girlboss by Sophie Amoruso was inspiring and enlightening and definitely makes me want to get out there and do things, but I have so far been unsuccessful in convincing my boyfriend to read it. Apparently #dudeboss doesn’t sounds as cool? And, after thoroughly enjoying Someday, Someday, Maybe (and perhaps finding some motivation and determination from) Lauren Graham’s work of fiction, I have been devouring her autobiography/collection of essays, Talking as Fast as I Can. I’m also trying not to read it too fast though, because then it will be over.

To round off the week, I spent some time with the boyfriend and his family, and an evening of Self-Tapes with Ayisha. I missed this girl and see there is a reason why #allthethings became my hashtag when I was hanging out with her all the time. We truly do get through #allthethings, from relationship advice and catching up to self-tapes and career advice and future planning and pastry eating and badass momentum creating. Hopefully we can do more of that now we’re both in the same country/province again.

“You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage work ethic.”

-Stephen C. Hogan

January 2019

This year started off with me joining in on a lot of new traditions. After having celebrated Christmas with my family, we came back to Toronto to celebrate New Year’s with my boyfriend’s. New Year’s is a big deal in his family, so we went to a dinner/party on the 31^st, then spent most of the 1^st at his parents’, where friends came over to ring in the New Year.

It was a short stay in Toronto before we went back to Montreal for Rikki and Jonathan’s wedding. We decorated the hall and had a little party on Friday before a sleepover, then Saturday was all about hair and makeup and getting everyone ready for the ceremony. They had a photographer that they’d met in Italy who took pictures of us getting ready, during the ceremony and all night long. We may or may not have started crying long before Rikki got anywhere near the aisle.

My brother officiated, and there were very few dry eyes by the time he was done his introduction. Because Jonathan is French and Rikki is English, it was a bilingual ceremony, but Rikki said her vows in French, letting Jonathan say his in English. It was beautiful.

The night was a blast from beginning to end. Delicious food, amazing company, personal serenades and heartfelt speeches. I also had the very best date for the night, who stayed by my side on the dance floor because he knew I wanted to dance, even though I’m very sure he didn’t. We had a brunch on Sunday before driving back to Toronto.

We got back to training at 4 points and welcomed back our coaches from their holidays. Ayisha, knowing my slightly obsessive planning, got me a migoals planner, which I spent the better part of 3 days using to figure out my next five years. It’s always a challenge to balance dreaming and reality, but I am so excited to make everything I wrote down come true.

Eventually, I had to go back to Montreal to work at the Auto Show. I had 2 days of training, then one day to figure out my taxes (always fun) before a 10 day run in the Buick Café. The job was pretty easy, because most people like you when you’re handing out free coffee, but my favorite part was the people I worked with, who taught me the very basics of being a barista when we weren’t busy. I don’t exactly like coffee, but I did enjoy making it.

I was working during almost all of my usual Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu classes, but I did manage to barter my way to be able to go to 3 classes at 3 different gyms. At BTT headquarters an awesome purple belt tightened up my moves before we learnt some half guard stuff. At the St-Hubert branch I was first considered a newbie, then once I proved myself with the first few moves, my training partner decided to teach me some of the blue belt curriculum. And at the Beloeil gym, I taught some curriculum to a fellow white belt before getting in some intense rolls.

A storm delayed my coming home to Toronto, so I got to do a day of UDA background work, which was great because I got to catch up with a friend from McGill.

When I finally got to drive back to Toronto, I stopped on my way for a quick interview with Danny MAlin for the Yes Lets Make a Movie film festival. This guy works so hard for the Montreal acting community and hustles like you have no idea. It was an absolute pleasure and I can’t wait for the festival in September.

My first month of the year was a bit of a whirlwind and over before I got to do most of the things I wanted to. Time to make a game plan for February.

What about you? How was your January?

“So I just want to say to the people that are at home and not working as frequently as they want, you’re just one job away. You’re plenty talented. Hang in there.”

-Jason Bateman in his SAG acceptance speech

2019 Resolutions

Crushing my 2019 goals like…

Here we go again 🙂

Learn Armenian

Learning a new language is on my list of 30 things to do before I’m 30, and although I had originally planned to learn something like Italian and use it as an excuse to go back to Italy, I am now going to focus on Armenian. Possibly not as useful in the global sense, but my boyfriend’s family all speak it, which gives me lots of opportunities to practice. Also, his grandmother likes to sit beside me and tell me stories in Armenian, which would be amazing if I could understand them without having to make him translate everything. I think I’ll save writing and their alphabet for another year, but by next Christmas I would like to be able to have a conversation with her, without an interpreter.

Learn to edit

I have been working really hard at becoming a multi-hyphenate lately, with writing, producing and acting in my own projects, and I love it. I love how producing gives you the ability to participate in creative decisions after the script has made its way into the director’s hands, and I would eventually love to try my hand at directing, but I feel like there are so many things I need to understand better first. Such as editing. I have made my own demo reels and clips, but there is a huge difference in quality and watchability between the ones I made myself and the one someone else made for me last year. Editing on a large scale sounds daunting and terrifying at the moment, but I plan on filming short little things intermittently every month or so, then editing them on my own. I probably won’t show them to anyone, but eventually, I’ll figure out what I’m doing and maybe edit my next short. Or at least know what I want and need when I’m collaborating with someone else.

Blue Belt

I have been doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for almost a year now and love it. The BJJ is an awesome workout and a lot of fun, but it also comes with an entire family/community and lifestyle that is definitely top-notch. I have been working really hard on learning the 2 days of curriculum that are needed to progress to a blue belt, so now I will be working on putting them into practice while rolling. I’m also going to be competing again this year, so it would be nice to train hard, maybe win a match at a competition and eventually join the ranks of the blue belts.

Publish a book

I’ve had this one on the list for a while, and in various forms I have been writing and getting my work out there, but it is time to stop being so afraid/lazy and actually submit one of my novels to a publisher. Hopefully they like it and we work together to get it published, or maybe I’ll go the self-publishing route an my mom will buy the sole copy. But it’s time to knock this one off the list.

These are some resolutions that aren’t really in my control. They’re goals that I resolve to work towards and do everything in my power to achieve.

Festival Circuit

Last November we filmed Get-Together, and I may be biased, but I think it has incredible potential. My dream would be to have it premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival in September, so that I could attend TIFF as a filmmaker, get the industry badge, go to all the panels and networking events with something awesome to talk about…The resolution here is to create an amazing film and submit it to festivals so that we can share it and experience the festival circuit. Either way, I’ll keep producing and creating and improving until I get there, taking all of the advice and knowledge and suggestions and constructive criticism that I can get.

Replace Credits

I love my resume and all of the credits that are on it, because each one was an experience that taught me something or allowed me to be something or do something incredible. I don’t regret any, but as I grow as an actor and join the unions, my credits need to reflect that. So from now on, I will be working on building myself a resume where all of my credits are union ones that I am proud of.

 UDA

It takes 30 credits to be a full UDA member and I currently have 1. Soon to be 3. So 27 credits this year is quite a stretch, but the point is to be actively working towards getting them. That means UDA background in Quebec, French plays, self-produced work, and of course, booking actual UDA gigs!

ACTRA

I am hoping to be auditioning more this year, now that I am officially in the union, and it would be wonderful to book some of these auditions. Commercials, tv shows, webseries, indies, big-budget features…I would love to try them all. Would be thrilled with a one-liner as I build up my union credits and get to know the industry, the players and the playing field. I would love to get the 2 credits to make me a full member this year, but either way, I will be working hard, taking classes, gaining experience, and doing everything in my power so that I will be ready when the time comes and opportunity knocks.

Finally, this year I think my word will be DETERMINATION. Because I am determined to achieve my goals and not just give up on them and be lazy as I sometimes do. But also because it can be defined as “the process of controlling, influencing or deciding something”. As in going after things rather than letting them happen to me. For so long, I prided myself on being the nice girl and agreeable, that I often don’t have opinions on things, or don’t share them, because I know that I will ultimately go along with whatever everyone else wants. So, as scary and unpleasant as it sounds to me, I will try harder to make my own decisions, and to share them when I do.

“I’ve always found that anything worth achieving will have obstacles in the way and you’ve got to have that drive and determination to overcome those obstacles on route to whatever it is that you want to accomplish.”

-Chuck Norris

Montreal & Classes

I spent Saturday at Imago Theater’s Stage Combat workshop to benefit Artista, their free mentorship program for young women. It was given by Anita Nittoly (from the John Stead workshop) with help from David Chinchilla, both super talented and from Toronto.

The morning was spent learning unarmed combat, followed by an afternoon of swordplay, which was awesome. I really wish I had paid more attention/remembered more in previous stage combat classes, but I am making up for it now. This was a workshop for beginners, which was exactly what I needed. I am so lucky to be able to participate in all kinds of incredible workshops and trainings, but it was really good for me to just be able to learn the basics from an expert who also knows my goals and always seems to be right there to help me out.

There were also some familiar faces at the workshop, and new friends, which was really nice. At the end, everyone was asking Anita and David when they would be coming back, but I was thrilled with the knowledge that I now live in Toronto with them (so I don’t have to wait for them to come back in the Fall so I can build on the skills they taught us today).

On Sunday, I worked with a bunch of my McGill friends, and got some work done in the downtime, before going out for Father’s Day with my family. I planned this trip to Montreal around the fact that I was convinced it was Father’s Day, so my dad humored me, even though it is actually the 17^th, not the 10^th.

On Monday, I started off my day with a mother-daughter hike, then eventually made my way to Complexe BTT Beloeil for some Jiu-Jitsu. They were working on curriculum, which just so happens to be the same as at 4 Points. Still, this absolutely does not mean that I didn’t learn anything. We did each technique less times, so I got further down the list than I usually do, and my partner taught me a few new locks (that I can’t actually do until I’m a blue belt) to prepare me because I kept putting myself in positions where it would be so easy for him to use them on me.

After technique, we rolled and it was really interesting to go against a girl who is pretty close to my size and also a white belt (at least for the next few days). The other rolls were probably more technique and lessons, but I can always use those too.

That afternoon I met up with my friend Cindy, who is the sweetest person you will ever meet. She is so encouraging and supportive that time spent with her is like a nice big hug and a ray of sunshine, if that makes any sense.

She walked me over to my Meisner class, where we were a really small group. I took weekly drop-in classes for a few months last year, and came to this class once. I loved it but also hated it back then, because although I could tell it was helping me, I found it terrifying that you can’t prepare for Meisner. You can’t learn your lines or rehearse or plan out what you are going to do. This time I was out of practice and nervous, but I went anyway. Since there were only 4 of us, I worked for 2 of the 4 hours, where everything is brought up, especially my nerves and awkwardness. What comes off as charming and adorable in life is actually boring and frustrating up there, where you need to have an opinion and care and do all kinds of things that I barely scratched the surface of kind of doing. Still, it felt so good to be back at it and I had a great night. The work was exactly what I needed, watching the others was incredible and we finished it off with drinks at the pub. Once I am back in Toronto, I am definitely finding myself a Meisner class, and I’ll try to stick around more Monday nights in Montreal.

On Tuesday I spent the morning sliding and climbing at a park, then waddling in ice cold water with my nieces, before heading to jiu-jitsu at the BTT headquarters in Montreal. I have never been in a class with that many people before, and so many of them were women. I did technique with 2 different ones, each super nice and helpful. We worked on curriculum again, the one I know, but with a few slight variations. What I found really interesting is that whenever they did something different from the way I was taught, I would ask questions, so I not only learnt different ways of doing things, I learnt why each one is beneficial and when to use which.

For the rolls, I was paired with a white belt first (another who will be getting her blue on Saturday), then a purple, followed by two black belts. All women. Since there are so many people, we would start with one person already in the other’s guard. I am getting better at keeping people in my guard, at least when rolling, but I still have a long way to go. I learnt so much from this class, from the technique to the rolling to the giving me tips and pointers once the roll was done…I now have another place I will train at whenever I’m back in town.

I spent the night with my parents, going to see Ocean’s 8 and watching American Ninja Warrior. They tease about me eventually being on the show, which I’m pretty sure will never happen, but I bet I can do a lot better on a second round of Tough Mudder 😉

On Wednesday I got in another hike with my mom, then went to train with Christine. She likes that she gets to work on her basics with me, and I really like that she teaches me cool new things by breaking it down into easy steps and is super patient. Other than the usual padwork and combos, we worked on our back falls, side falls and half twists. SO MUCH FUN! She made me lunch and we hung out after, until I had to rush to McGill in a panic because her clock was over an hour off.

Today I am at McGill all day, just hanging out and catching up with old friends (and I guess working too) before I head back to Toronto, with all kinds of new knowledge (and some bagels) in tow.

“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Your Job Is To Train”

When my friend was giving me the advice on stunts and pointed out that I was taking on a lot, I told him, “It’s fine, I don’t have a job.” To let him know I currently have a lot of free time. “No, your job is to train.” He pointed out. I do this for acting, finding ways to work on my craft even when I am not in class or on set, but this week definitely made me feel like I was making it my job to train in the physical sense as well.

On Tuesday, I decided to try out a Jiu-Jitsu class in Beloeil rather than just sticking to my elliptical and stuff I usually do when I go home, away from all the classes I take in Toronto. The teacher, Lee Villeneuve, gave a workshop a few weeks ago at 4 points, so when I found out he had a gym less than 10 minutes from my house, I knew I had to go.

It started out with the usual warmup of jogging around and side steps and high knees and what not, but all too quickly, we got into cartwheels (which was fine), handstands and a multitude of things I had never done before. I tried my best to follow along, and luckily there were some really nice people who took the time to show me how to do the stuff I wasn’t quite getting. It would definitely be beneficial for me to keep working on all of these.

There was another girl there, so I worked on the techniques with her, and we rolled together for the first two rounds, before guys chose me as their partners for the last 2 rolls. Very much like the guys from 4 points when I first came in, it was a combination of rolling and coaching, but I really learnt a lot. And will be back for sure, not just for the training, but for the people. The girl I rolled with has currently become my inspiration (not that she knows) because she had no background in gymnastics or martial arts or whatever, but a year and a half ago she decided she wanted to get into stunts, so she trained and she worked hard and she made it happen. And that is badass.

On Wednesday I had a dry run at McGill before driving back to Toronto so I could work as an SP on Thursday.

Once work was done, I met up with Christine, an actress who trains in stunts, that I met in class a few years ago. We were both signed up for an amazing workshop last weekend, so we went for a late lunch where she told me about her journey into stunts and gave me advice on what I should do and what I need in my stunt kit. Who knew that if you needed answers, all you had to do is ask the questions and everyone would be willing to help?

When we were done we went to 4 Points so I could help out and she could catch up with Ayisha, eventually staying way longer than she intended, and working with me for the NOGI class. Since Christine had only ever taken one class before, she went all out, even when we were just working on techniques, which was super frustrating when I couldn’t get it, but also really useful, because when you’re rolling, no one is going to help you (or even let you) sweep them. When we actually got to the rolling, I was with the guys, and one of them wanted to work on his balance when we start the roll standing, so I made many futile attempts to knock him off his feet. I think I managed it once? But learning what doesn’t work brings me closer to figuring out what does…right? We went back to my place and watched a bunch of stunt reels and fight scenes before going to bed.

On Friday, we started the day off with Boxing at 4 points, with Chie. It was the first time I wasn’t alone for one of his classes, which was fun, but I do also love my private sessions 🙂 The biggest difference is that after the conditioning and the pad work was done, Chie stuck around to help us kill time before the jiu-jitsu class. Just for fun, Christine choreographed a fight, we ran it and then we filmed it, all within the span of a half an hour. When Chie left, Christine helped me work on my reactions to different punches and stuff. It all felt like play.

We learnt some new techniques in Jiu-Jitsu, and got in a roll before I rushed over to Ayisha so she could give me eyelash extensions. I am so clueless in this department that I originally thought she meant those fake lashes you glue on and take off at the end of the day with eye makeup remover. I clearly had no idea what to expect.

I was her first ever attempt, and a complete success, if I do say so myself. It took a lot longer than the glue-on fake lashes I thought I was getting, but I was basically on a bed, comfy and bundled up in a blanket, listening to music and having conversations…the only drawback I can see at the moment is that every time I talk to my roommate, she stops me and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you were saying, I was too busy admiring your lashes” So not so fun for me, but clearly a good sign for Ayisha.

We were supposed to go to a gymnastics class that night, but my roommate’s boyfriend was in town, so he invited us to a big home cooked meal instead. Christine made a delicious salad with mangoes and avocadoes and tomatoes and cucumbers, then the boyfriend made us a mushroom and steak appetizer, followed by a very rich, delectable coconut curry shrimp pasta. When I did Tough Mudder a few years ago, I was told to carboload the night before, so it was justified, I’m sure 😉

I am going to do a post on the workshop by itself, because there were so many awesome parts to it (and I don’t have the pictures yet), but needless I was blown away by John Stead and his team. We worked on a choreography until 1, when Day 1 of the workshop concluded to make way for the boxing class, which a few of us participated in. Ryan’s class is a killer, but you can’t help but feel proud, strong and like a badass when it’s over.

We ate, then worked on the choreography. It was unfortunate that Christine and I had the same part in the fight, but also really cool, because it meant that we had to learn the other part as well in order to be able to practice with each other. In acting, your scene partner’s lines are more important to listen to than your own, so I think it was probably really beneficial for us to know the other side of the fight as well.

As a reward for a day spent training, she invited me over for a swim, some Jacuzzi and sauna action (not to forget a poolside rendition of the fight choreography) before we went out for supper and talked about the industry, the workshop, and how she has to move to Toronto now.

On Sunday we went to 4 points early to work on the choreography, and I’ll go more into details later, but it was an amazing day. Not easy, but so much fun, and definitely something that I would love to do. I have a long way to go, obviously, but I am ready and willing to put in the work to get there, which was not always the case.

At the very end, those of us who were left went out for supper (we were starving!) and stayed there until 11 o’clock talking about the workshop, the differences between acting and stunts, training options, and I’m pretty sure some acquaintances became friends.

On Monday I drove back to Montreal and am working at McGill for the next few days. Which is work, obviously, but it kind of also feels like I am being paid to hang out with my friends 🙂

“The way to get started is to quit talking and start doing.”

-Walt Disney

 

This week was busy, which is just how I like it. It started off with work at Michener, with a bit of suspension of disbelief when my ‘scene partner’ went from playing my 23 year old husband to playing my father. Either way, it is always so much fun to be able to play off of someone in those scenarios.

New demo reel 🙂

When work was done, I headed over to 4 points to be one of the Amazons at the 7 pm class. Women are welcome in all of the classes, but if one feels like she would rather try a class when she knows there are other women who will be there, she can sign up for this one. There are guys too, but we outnumbered them this week. With 10 girls and slightly less guys, I ended up being paired with a girl who was there for her first ever jiu-jitsu class. The teacher came over to make sure I had the technique right, so I did it on her a few times, then guided her through doing it on me. There was a lot of uncertainty and trying to figure out which side to do certain things on, but we made it through. I also told her that it would be a good idea to stay for the second class, because while I struggled through figuring it out, most of the guys who showed up for the later class know what they are doing and have been incredibly helpful in teaching me the techniques.

For the rolling, I completely made the mistake of acting like all the guys did with me, where they won’t attack or take the upper hand, they just wait for me to figure things out. At the same time, I really appreciated that my first ever time rolling, when I knew nothing. There was someone I had rolled with last week and they had simply used their strength against me, grabbing my wrists tight enough to bruise, so I was slightly reluctant when paired with them this week. A few moments in, I asked them how long they had been doing Jiu-Jitsu and found out it was their second week. I actually knew more than they did! So, instead of trying to win or get the upper hand, I talked them through the techniques they could use to get out of my guard, or to get control over me, without just using all their strength. I tapped out 3 times that roll, but it was because I showed them how to overpower me. Which still feels like a win in my book.

On Tuesday I worked all day as an SP, starting with an incredibly topical role that brought up a lot of conversations, most of them really inspiring, while some comments reminded me why a #metoo movement and #believeher is so important.

In the evening, I had a scenario that hit so close to home during the dry run, having spent the week at the hospital in a much less severe, but still similar situation. This week I was thankfully out of that situation personally, but it was incredibly easy to put myself into that emotional state. The tears poured freely, even with the frequent time-outs to discuss how things were going.

Wine and cheesing at the ACTRA Member’s Conference.

On Wednesday I had a fitting for some background, then came home to sleep because I was under the impression that I had an overnight shoot, followed by a 5 am call time with potentially no time to sleep in between. Luckily, that wasn’t the case, but it took a while for me to find that out.

I had brought my car to set before, but this was the first time that I was actually asked to drive it in the scene while being background. The part that worried me of this was after they call cut, when you have to back your car back up to the original position, while the crew and the other extras who had crosses are all wandering around because they know the street has been blocked off for them. After the first take, a guy told me to honk twice to let everyone know I was backing up, then said he would guide me, so he went behind my car and walked backwards, gesturing with his hands for me to go straight or to turn, telling me I was doing great. At one point, we had to stop for another car to turn around, so he waited by the side of my car and said, “This is what happens when you get BG for ND drivers.” into his radio. He kept telling me I was doing great, and I have no idea if he meant me, the car we were waiting for, or just the lot of us in general, but I felt slightly offended, and like he was underestimating me. True, I was nervous about this part, but I had only ever done exactly what I had been told to do. After future takes, he left me on my own, so I did the 2 honks and drove progressively faster to get back to my starting position.

We wrapped around 1 am, and my call time wasn’t until about 11, so I went home and slept before driving to Hamilton. It was nice to spend international women’s day on set, with a bunch of other women. There was also a stunt happening, with a very energetic and demonstrative female stunt coordinator, which I find super awesome. Especially given the date, but also just in general. Some people couldn’t wait to go home, as with every day on set, but I loved pretty much every minute of it. I met some cool people, saw some brilliant performances, and my reaction game was on point.

On Friday, to celebrate my day off, I went to a boxing class, where I was the only student, so I basically got a private lesson. It was a totally off day for me, where I found myself assuring him that I can normally do a much better, real pushup. He thought it was really cool when I told him I wanted to get into stunts, but he didn’t let me off easy. I still had to punch as hard, and he insisted my technique would need to be even better, because when he sees me on tv one day, he wants to believe that I am someone who actually boxes.

I stayed afterward for the Jiu-Jitsu class, where we were three, but there was some time between the 2 where I got to roll a bit with my boxing coach, then I worked on my handstands, because having a padded wall is almost just as good as a person who promises to catch you.

The techniques we learnt in jiu-jitsu were pretty straightforward, but I was really lucky (and a little frustrated) to have someone who was not going easy on me. When learning new techniques, you go until the other person taps out, which I usually do once they get to the end of the moves, because we’re just learning things and I assume you’ve got the gist of it. My partner, however, did not tap out until he actually had to, and purposely tried to hold his position and make me work for it. In the moment, part of me was obviously exasperated that he was making everything harder, but I also appreciated it sooooo much, because he wasn’t underestimating me, he was showing that he believed that I could do it, and was making me prove it. Which I did. It was more of a struggle than I would have preferred, but it was so much better that way.

From the Action for Film and TV Workshop

 

“Being strong doesn’t mean you’ll never get hurt. It means even when you get hurt, you’ll never let it defeat you.”